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I am so uncomfortable upon touching with other people, but I so crave human contact. I wonder why?
I had a book signing event today, where I meet so many lovely people who came over after the show and gave me hugs. They asked first, and of course I said yes and I smiled, but I can't help the feeling of pushing everyone away when their clothes barely touching mine.
Now I'm at home and all I want is one more hug.
Why?
I wish I could talk about this more open and to not offend anyone when I refuse to be anywhere near them. There is no nice way to tell someone that I enjoy your company but please stand at least an arm length from my body.
I also want someone's fingers to lightly teased with my cheek, flirting ups and downs with my arm, I want someone to braid my hair.
Why?
There is no way to tell someone that I hate the scents of human skin and in general just disgust the feeling of closeness; because I know that if they tell me the same, I would be offended too. Who would understand that the problem lies under my own skin and not on the surface of theirs?
Who can understand me if I can't even make up my mind?
Please lift me up, spin me around I love it.